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In my fantasy world my friends and family understand me so well I don’t have to explain what I’m going through. One word..one glance and they just know. Not only do they know I’m not feeling well they also know exactly how it feels. But that’s not reality. I can’t expect my friends and family to understand completely. They will never know exactly how I feel because they’ve never had stage 4 endometriosis. They don't know what if feels like to have a disease with no cure and no answers.

But I do know a few people who can identify precisely with what I’m going through. I found them through dailystrength.org With these women I found real understanding. They knew my pain by heart. Knowing there were others going through the same thing was a relief now knowing it's not all "in my head".

Real friendship is worth preserving.Im learning to talk openly to my friends about what’s going on and how im feeling and explain the ways in which my life is different now. I have to tell them what i am able to do and what I am not able to do. Maybe I can’t go shopping for six hours... but I can go for a couple of hours on my good days. True friends usually have the capacity for understanding. If they truly care they can try and make some small accommodations for me.

should change the name of this blog to it can only get better... but don't fool yourself it's not .

surgery didn't work.

Im in so much pain and there is to much blah information on the internet about stage 4 endometriosis for my A.D.D riddled brain to comprehend . so they want me to keep taking more pills pills pills.. there is no amount of pills at this point that's going to make m pain go away. so im going to try and get a medical marijuana card so i can play with my son , clean the house and laugh at funny movies without being in so much pain.

Not only did I get to put the biggest smile on my sons face but I got to work like a team with the love of my life in our first project in our new home. I also got to get some art flowing out of me again. People have told me that I need to focus more on my art work , im talented blah blah blah. But what people don't realize is that I make art every day with every minute I spend with my son teaching him about the world, the colors , the animals and even the farts that come out of his bum. I will paint... I will sculpt. I have all the time in the world to do that. But I only have so much time to spend with my son watching him everyday grow up , say new words and to hold him tight.

Sat night playlist

The Ting Tings ~ Great DJ

Franz Ferdinand ~ This Fire

Pheonix~ 1901

Weezer~ I want you

Black Lips~ Bad Kids

NIN~ Hand That Feeds

Doves~ There Goes The Fear

20 or so films that MAY define 2010

All I have to say is Clash of the titans looks sweet for a remake! Russell Crowe doing Robin Hood not so much...

Check out 49 films that will define 2010

March of Dimes

Jacob 2 weeks old born on 9-10-08 at 32 weeks. First day home!

It's Prematurity Awareness Day- the day when we're all focused on the terrible toll of premature birth on babies and families. By the end of this year more than half a million babies will be born too soon , some very sick. Please take a minute and see if there is anything that you can do as far as donating money or your time by clicking here . Our if you know of someone who has had a premature baby recently give them a call and see how they are doing.

Summer is pretty much over but.....

500 Days of Summer was the best film I have seen in awhile and the soundtrack is AWESOME !!!

Here is the preview but i would rather you just skip it and go see the movie :)

I have no title :

My heart is broken but I can't tell anyone why.
My guts are ripping apart from the pain and I can't scream out loud.
My life will never be the same and I have no one to blame.
Denied a ear to listen . Eyes to see me smile. A body to feel my hug.

It's for the best

It's probably for the best that I~~~~~~

• can't find the remote to the t.v....
• can't look at kingquads blog anymore so I can't compare our babies.But im sure they are talking in full sentences by now...
  
• was responsible last night and didn't go on the limo 4 Jeans bachelorette party .

and I hope Jake starts sleeping through the night again so i can go out without wondering if im going to get any sleep.

It's probably for the best that~~~

• Harry Potter is coming out in like 2 weeks .. because they already delayed it once !
• I excepted my cousins apology seeing as it took her 5 years !
• Jake is waking up now so he is back on his nap routine .

ps. the detroit zoo sucks !

Some Fork's 4 ya

I was asked why I didn't put any artwork up so here are my forks enjoy :)

For instance

Why do i see this stuck up 20 year old girl in the line at CVS swearing on her cell phone and wearing a TON of makeup all while sporting a scarf over her head for religious purposes. I mean come on ! go and take the extra step and rebel by taking it off because it doesn't look.... well to me anyways like you should be wearing it in the first place. But I don't know I am living in sin so i really can't talk. anyways like i said in my "about me section" I can't spell and i googled rabel instead of rebel and i got this awesome pic. And it fits with what i am talking about ...how cool is that !





Also my son turned 8 months on mothers day .. He also decided that he would start to crawl and lift himself up on every object in my apartment. Leaving me with little to no time to myself now . When I started blogging he was smaller and didn't move much lol. I plan on writing another blog today because I think it deserves to be by itself. But i won't have as much time ... cant stop watching dark shadows !

Dark Shadow....oops i forgot

Tim Burton / Johnny Depp 2011 !!!

Dark Shadows

I Love it !!!! I would rush home after kindergarten and watch it with my mom . My friend Cyndy said her mom watched it to and that is what prob messed us up .. who knows . Also Zombie Land is suppose to be on the chiller network tonight ...but it's not listed on the guide . I will record it anyways and hope for the best !

Gag me with a spoon

Poor Jake...I know I look like a bad Mom in this but hey he has to try it .

One hit wonder

Have not gone "out" since my twenties ..oh god yes i just said that. Had not done what i did in a year and a half. Well needless to say when i got in the car the radio played the best live version of Iron man evvver !!! and that's all i got to say about that xD

You say it's your Birthday

Been out sick for awhile ...well was out and about with Jacob because the weather was nice dragging him over hells half acre and then we got sick. Poor little guy .

My birthday was on Tuesday also st patricks day . But i was sick so no bar again this year ..god what am i in AA or something ! But my mom watched jake for me and mike who had the day off OMG one day off in 3 months ! We were going to go to a fancy restaurant but i said lets get tattoos instead. But it was 7pm and the guy really wanted to go out so I didn't get mine but mike got his ..



It's the universal power symbol located on your computer . It is blue and clear . all the red is blood where the clear is . It is black light sensitive so it glows . pretty dorky but that's why i love him . Can't wait to get mine ! The guy felt bad and gave me 20 bucks off when i go back in . Considering i have gotten a tattoo from that place when i was 20 , 25 and now 30 it was the least he could do. We ended up going to a middle eastern restaurant and i got to eat some raw kibbie yummmm.


Oh did i mention that i am taking all of these pictures on my new camera mike got me >?< class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ok well now i did. I also got The simpsons game for the ps3 it is a Simpsons fans dream game !! I also like on the ps3 how you can download demo games and play so you can see if you like them beforehand . I think Mike sold our wii just so he could buy the ps3 6 months later and not look suspicious. oh well i kinda like it better but don't tell him that .

album cover

I got nominated to do this by Miss Eve And I had fun doing it. This is what I had to do...

1) Go to Wikipedia and hit the random link on the left sidebar, under the navigation heading. The first article you get is the name of your band.

2) Go to the website on The Quotations Page. The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your album.

3) Go to Flicker's Randomizer feature. The third picture, no matter what it is, is your album cover.

4) Use Photoshop or another photo editing software to create your album cover.

5) Post your album cover on your blog, along with this text. Be sure to nominate at least 5 friends (by leaving comments on their blogs with a link to your post), and tag me by leaving a comment so that I can see what you've created.


I only have 6 friends so i guess anyone can do it

I wish i would have made the band name a little bigger im really tired and i fell today. Guess im getting old :( i need one of those help i have fallen and i can't get up buttons . anyways my album is pretty cool . The album looks very indie like and my style .