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In my fantasy world my friends and family understand me so well I don’t have to explain what I’m going through. One word..one glance and they just know. Not only do they know I’m not feeling well they also know exactly how it feels. But that’s not reality. I can’t expect my friends and family to understand completely. They will never know exactly how I feel because they’ve never had stage 4 endometriosis. They don't know what if feels like to have a disease with no cure and no answers.

But I do know a few people who can identify precisely with what I’m going through. I found them through dailystrength.org With these women I found real understanding. They knew my pain by heart. Knowing there were others going through the same thing was a relief now knowing it's not all "in my head".

Real friendship is worth preserving.Im learning to talk openly to my friends about what’s going on and how im feeling and explain the ways in which my life is different now. I have to tell them what i am able to do and what I am not able to do. Maybe I can’t go shopping for six hours... but I can go for a couple of hours on my good days. True friends usually have the capacity for understanding. If they truly care they can try and make some small accommodations for me.

should change the name of this blog to it can only get better... but don't fool yourself it's not .

surgery didn't work.

Im in so much pain and there is to much blah information on the internet about stage 4 endometriosis for my A.D.D riddled brain to comprehend . so they want me to keep taking more pills pills pills.. there is no amount of pills at this point that's going to make m pain go away. so im going to try and get a medical marijuana card so i can play with my son , clean the house and laugh at funny movies without being in so much pain.

Not only did I get to put the biggest smile on my sons face but I got to work like a team with the love of my life in our first project in our new home. I also got to get some art flowing out of me again. People have told me that I need to focus more on my art work , im talented blah blah blah. But what people don't realize is that I make art every day with every minute I spend with my son teaching him about the world, the colors , the animals and even the farts that come out of his bum. I will paint... I will sculpt. I have all the time in the world to do that. But I only have so much time to spend with my son watching him everyday grow up , say new words and to hold him tight.